It has long been a well-established custom abroad; here at home, it is known mainly only to those who officiate at weddings, and to the lucky few who have had the chance to experience the joy of reciting their own vows. This is the wedding vow.
Reading the first paragraph, you might have been a bit confused. Isn’t this a common custom here? Yet you hear plenty of stories about it. No, it isn’t a common custom in our country. Many people confuse wedding vows with marriage vows or a marriage declaration, even though these are entirely different concepts.
In this article, you’ll find out exactly what wedding vows are. We’ll also try to shed some light on the question of whether there’s a formula for the perfect wedding vows. Whilst you might not get a specific formula, we’re sure we can offer some useful tips that you can draw on when writing your own wedding vows.
Wedding vows, marriage vows, marriage declaration – what’s the difference?
As mentioned in the previous paragraph, these are different concepts. Let’s take a look at exactly what each one means.
What are the wedding vows?
At church weddings, the couple exchange marriage vows. Naturally, these vows vary depending on the denomination, and their exact wording differs from one religion to another.
What is a marriage declaration?
The marriage declaration is the the procedure for civil weddings an essential part of it. Just as with the vows, there is no single version of the marriage declaration; its exact content depends on the ceremony.
What are wedding vows?
The most striking difference between the marriage vows and the previous two is that this is not a mandatory element; it does not affect the validity of the marriage.
Marriage vows are by no means part of Hungarian, or indeed European, cultural tradition. Most people who have not personally experienced this in wedding scenes in American films They may have come across it. The marriage vow has been gaining ground in Europe in recent years, and in Hungary too.
You cannot make marriage vows at a church wedding; you must take the marriage vows there – this is not optional.
The marriage vows are not part of a „traditional” civil ceremony conducted by a registrar; they can only be included upon specific request. So this can only happen if you manage to arrange it with the registrar. There are more and more examples of this, as registrars are becoming increasingly flexible on this issue. Regardless of this, there is still a chance that you might come across someone who simply won’t agree to it.
What can you do if you do want to make a vow after all?
Find a master of ceremonies. In a previous article, we explained exactly who they are and what distinguishes them from a registrar. If you’d like to read more about this, click on the link.
Every aspect of a wedding conducted by a celebrant can be entirely unique, tailored to your specific requirements. Accordingly, you can exchange vows for as long or as short a time, and in whatever form, you wish.
However, the person conducting the ceremony is not an official; it is important to note that they cannot legally marry you on paper. You must first go and get married in a civil ceremony, and only then can you hold the special ceremony.
To summarise, therefore, wedding vows are not a compulsory part of the marriage ceremony. It is entirely up to you whether you wish to exchange vows with one another. This is not an option at a church wedding; at a traditional civil wedding, it is only possible upon specific request and with the registrar’s consent. At weddings conducted by a celebrant, however, you are free to exchange any vows you wish; there are no time constraints or rules.
What is the structure of a wedding vow?
Wedding vows are not part of our country’s cultural traditions, so there are no established formal requirements for them.
This means that you and your partner are free to tailor the format and flow of your vows to suit your preferences. And with a good celebrant, anything is possible – they’ll give you exactly what you want.
During the wedding vows, you and your partner make a promise or promises to one another. What these promises are, and the form in which you make your vows, is entirely up to you. Wedding vows often include personal stories, such as how the couple met. Couples also frequently express what they love about each other. There are no formal rules; they can be touching, serious or even funny.
What should be included in wedding vows?
As we mentioned in the previous point, there is no set formula for this.
There really isn’t one, but with a few useful pieces of advice and tips, we can help you work out what direction to take, what to say and how to say it in your vows, and how to get started.
Will you write your own text, recite a poem or quote something?
Generally speaking, just do whatever works for you and your partner. 🙂
Your own words are perhaps always a little more touching, but if you can express yourself better through a poem or a quote, then go for that option. Another option is to include both your own words and a poem or quote in your vows.
You’ll find some ideas below to help you write your own text. If Would you like to browse some quotes? Click on the link; you’ll also find further quotes and poems at the end of the article.
What should you write in your vow?
Wedding vows contain promises. We can’t – and don’t need to – help you decide what to promise your partner, or what matters most to you both. However, we can offer a few tips on how to go about it.
- Realistic, achievable promises – Promise things that you can realistically keep.
- Things that are typical of you – Tailor the text to suit your personalities. For example, if you’re the sort of couple who are always joking around with each other, feel free to slip a bit of humour into your vows.
- Memories of shared moments, feelings – Alongside your promises, you can write down what you love about the other person, how you fell in love with them, and what this relationship means to you.
How long should wedding vows be?
There are no restrictions – make it as long as you like, in whatever way you feel able to express yourself.
Bear in mind that in a very long text, it’s easy to lose sight of the main point.
If your pledge is long, it’s worth summarising it once more at the end and emphasising the points that are most important to you.
How do you write it?
- Don’t leave it until the last minute – Start writing them in good time. Don’t be like the protagonists you often see in American romantic films, who, two days before their wedding, are still completely at a loss and haven’t written a single word of their wedding vows. It’s worth starting to write them one or two months before the ceremony. If you’re not the poetic type, you won’t be able to write them in a single day anyway; instead, your thoughts will gradually take shape in your mind, ready for you to put down on paper.
- Take the sketch with you to the wedding— Don’t assume your memory has never let you down. After all, it’s your wedding day – you’re bound to be a bit nervous (which is perfectly normal, by the way 😀). In any case, don’t put your improvisation skills to the test on the day.
- Your vows should be about nothing but you and your partner – You can seek advice from others, but in the end, only accept what you agree with in 100%; this is your vow, entirely unique and unrepeatable.
Is there a place for emotion?
Yes, absolutely – don’t worry about that. It’s your wedding, your vows, your emotions – there’s no question that there’s a place for them.
You’ll be surrounded by people who love you, who have come to celebrate with you, to share in the joy of your big day, and to shed a few tears with you if the moment calls for it.
Are wedding vows for everyone?
No, in our view, not for everyone.
Who is it for?
For couples who have come to this decision together and wish to reaffirm the bond of their marriage with a vow.
It is very important that making a vow is always a joint decision; if one of you doesn’t want to, don’t force the issue.
Who isn't it for?
Not everyone likes or is able to speak in front of a large group of people, even if those people are their family members and closest friends. If someone does not want to make a vow for this reason, we must accept that.
It is also possible to exchange your vows just the two of you. If neither of you likes being in the spotlight but you would like to exchange vows with each other, then you can choose this option.
Poems and quotes for wedding vows
And finally, here are a few poems, excerpts from poems and quotations for wedding vows:
You are life’s sacred ‘yes’,
The tranquil silence following the riots,
Fertile, bountiful peace,
A refuge for my storm-tossed soul.
Piroska Tábori
I’m happy now. Because that moment is coming soon. And it’s bringing you with it. I’ve been waiting for this moment. For days. For days? No! Not for days. Much longer than that. I was already waiting for you even before I knew you. I just knew. I knew you were alive, that you existed somewhere, and I knew that one day the moment would come. With you.
Tamás Csitáry-Hock
Love is like a scent, a breeze, a thunderstorm. You are my sky, the raindrops falling upon me, and I am the earth that receives them.
Frida Kahlo
I have written your name in my heart
So that our hearts may beat as one
And when I miss you the most
I just run my finger over the letters.
Amy Harmon
Every tomorrow of mine is yours (…). I want to spend them all with you.
Mary E. Pearson
From now on, every day
I’ll give it my all,
To show you what you mean to me,
Because if you’re not by my side,
None of this is worth anything.
Emma Chase
She’s the one. She’s swept away the fleeting flings and the superficial university acquaintances of the past. Love is something that needs no explanation.
György Odze
Is there such a thing as the perfect wedding vow?
The title poses the following question: Is there such a thing as the perfect wedding vow? In our view, YES and NO, because it’s a matter of personal opinion. 🙂
For you, the words your partner spoke during the wedding vows were, hopefully, perfect. Others may feel the same way about their own partner, and so on.
In this case, perfection is not something concrete, measurable, tangible or comprehensible. The perfection of a wedding vow lies in the couple’s intimate words, promises and feelings, which even their closest relatives and friends may not fully understand.
So, the perfect wedding vows do and do not exist. They can be just a few sentences, or a long piece of your own writing; they can be a well-chosen poem or quotation, or even vows peppered with jokes. That’s precisely where the magic lies: there are no set templates or conventions; it’s completely unique, just for you, and in 100%, it’s all about you.
Frequently Asked Questions
The vows are not a compulsory part of the ceremony; it is entirely up to you whether you wish to include them in your wedding. They contain promises, memories and feelings, and are unique in every case.
Exchanging vows is part of the wedding ceremony. Exactly when you choose to exchange your vows is entirely up to you. You have the option of doing so in private or in front of your wedding guests.
There are no rules. The main thing is that it reflects your relationship. It can be touching, emotional, funny – whatever you like.
Source of the images: Pinterest
